disappointment....

posted by Peri Zahnd on January 14, 2007 at 10:58 AM This is in reference to the poem I posted late last night, a favorite from long ago. I have no idea when it was written, but it was set to music and recorded by Phil Keaggy twenty plus years ago. A beautiful song.

Shea’s message this morning was great, and made me ponder the poem even further. The disciples on the road to Emmaus, so disappointed, so discouraged, because things hadn’t turned out like they expected. Jesus hadn’t kept his promises, or so they thought. But Jesus HAD kept those promises, had delivered to them a kingdom. It was so much more than their darkened minds could comprehend--they just didn’t understand.

How many desperate prayers have we prayed, telling Jesus EXACTLY what we needed him to deliver to us, like He was nothing more than a servant we could command? (I think of an OLD song we used to sing, "Jesus on the mainline, tell him what you want!") How many times has He given us something different than what we asked for, not answered those prayers, because in truth He has something much, much better in mind, something that will help us to be transformed, to learn to live in that kingdom, that will bring us into more joy, more peace, more understanding of His divine purposes?

Jesus went to the cross for something more than getting us a free pass to heaven when we die--He conquered sin and death and made a way for us to LIVE a different kind of life here on the earth, and He is just as passionate right now about helping us find our way into that kind of life as He was when He died on the cross.

This is Friday’s entry for My Utmost for His Highest . It spoke powerfully to me when I read it:

"When they were alone, He explained all things to His disciples" (Mark 4:34).

Jesus doesn’t take us aside and explain things to us all the time; He explains things to us as we are able to understand them. The lives of others are examples for us, but God requires us to examine our own souls. It is slow work—so slow that it takes God all of time and eternity to make a man or woman conform to His purpose. We can only be used by God after we allow Him to show us the deep, hidden areas of our own character. It is astounding how ignorant we are about ourselves! We don’t even recognize the envy, laziness, or pride within us when we see it. But Jesus will reveal to us everything we have held within ourselves before His grace began to work. How many of us have learned to look inwardly with courage?
We have to get rid of the idea that we understand ourselves. That is always the last bit of pride to go. The only One who understands us is God. The greatest curse in our spiritual life is pride. If we have ever had a glimpse of what we are like in the sight of God, we will never say, "Oh, I’m so unworthy." We will understand that this goes without saying. But as long as there is any doubt that we are unworthy, God will continue to close us in until He gets us alone. Whenever there is any element of pride or conceit remaining, Jesus can’t teach us anything. He will allow us to experience heartbreak or the disappointment we feel when our intellectual pride is wounded. He will reveal numerous misplaced affections or desires—things over which we never thought He would have to get us alone. Many things are shown to us, often without effect. But when God gets us alone over them, they will be clear.

I know my Father knows me much better than I know myself, and I trust Him to take care of me, to transform me, to lead me. Oh God, my times are in Thy hand!

disappontment? his appointment!

posted by Peri Zahnd on January 13, 2007 at 5:47 AM

"Disappointment -- His appointment,"
Change one letter, then I see
That the Thwarting of my purpose
Is God’s better choice for me.
His appointment must be blessing,
Though it may come in disguise,
For the end from the beginning
Open to His wisdom lies.

"Disappointment -- His appointment,"
Whose? The Lord’s, Who loves me best
Understands and knows me fully,
Who my faith and love would test;
For, like loving earthly parent,
He rejoices when He knows
That His child accepts, unquestioned,
All that from His wisdom flows.

"Disappointment -- His appointment,"
"No good thing will He withhold,"
From denials oft we gather
Treasures of His love untold.
Well He knows each broken purpose
Leads to fuller, deeper trust,
And the end of all his dealings
Proves our God is wise and just.

- Annie Johnson Flint

a little feline history

posted by Peri Zahnd on January 10, 2007 at 2:53 AM The Zahnds have only ever had cats. The patriarch of our family is not a dog lover. Don’t hold it against him. He never met a dog who didn’t want to bite him. He also says we’re on the go too much and a dog would be a headache--I don’t know if I buy that, but it’s not worth the fight.

Our first cat was Samson. Brian loved that cat. He would walk around with the cat sprawled on top of his head. No joke. He called it his cat-hat. We had a houseplant, a Norfolk pine that was about three feet tall. The cat used to CLIMB it. We would find him perched in an upper branch. How it held him I’ll never know.

There was a neighbor cat who liked to come fight with Samson at night. We would wake up to the wild wails right outside our bedroom window. Brian would go get potatoes out of the pantry and hurl them at the offending cat. He called him Mr. Potato Head.

Everything was wonderful until our first child was born. Then Samson had a little mental breakdown, triggered by jealousy over the intruder into his life. I had to keep him outside more, and he went nuts. He would climb the screens on my bedroom window. It is a little unnerving to wake up in the night and see the cartoonish silhouette of a sprawled cat hanging on to your screen. So while Brian was away on his first ever missions trip out of the United States, I gave him away. I actually can’t remember what I did with him, but he was gone. Brian was mad about that for quite a while. He still brings it up now and then.

We had a few other cats, who met their demise in one way or another, usually under the wheels of a car. One Friday summer evening, I was in our little church on 11th Street. We were singing, and an usher tapped me on the shoulder and said, "Your neighbor is here and needs to talk to you." I was so surprised, what neighbor?

It turned out to be the couple across the street, the DeVores, who we didn’t know very well. We lived on a very busy street, and you just didn’t have much opportunity to socialize with the folks on the other side. They told us our current cat, whose name I forget, (Aaron says Boots but that doesn’t ring a bell) had been hit by a car, and they didn’t know what we wanted done with it. They had him with them, and were willing to take him to the vet if that’s what we wanted. I thanked them profusely and went to check on the cat. He was dead by then, and probably would have died no matter what. I asked my neighbors how they knew where to find us--I’ll never forget Judy saying, "Oh, we knew where to find you all right!" (Be careful, you never know who’s watching you!) Glen and Judy are now beloved members of our church and have been for many years! I put the cat in my trunk and went back to church--we buried him the next day.

And then there was Hudson. We loved Hudson dearly (unlike that last cat whose name I’m not even sure of). He was a big tough cat we got when Philip was a baby. Brian had wanted to name Philip "Hudson Taylor Zahnd" after the great missionary to China. I thought Hudson sounded more like a river or a bridge and dug my heels in. We ended up naming him "Philip Taylor Zahnd." So when we got this kitten not long after Philip was born, I graciously agreed to name the CAT after the great missionary. He was part Manx, with a little stub instead of a long tail, so we named him Hudson Tayless.

We had him for over five years, but he developed a very bad habit of scratching my woodwork and furniture. We were moving to a new house, and I wasn’t going to let him tear it up, and farmed him out to the Dan Dudeck family, who do indeed live on a farm. I told them it wasn’t an adoption, but a fostering situation, and I sent support (a sack of cat food) maybe once or twice and then became a deadbeat absent parent. Eight years later they still have him, and we talk about going to visit, but never do. The kids still grumble about how I gave away their best cat.

We had an empty nest period (as far as cats are concerned) of maybe three years, and then one Sunday morning between services, someone handed me what I thought at first might be a RAT! It was the ugliest little creature I’d ever seen, but he was to become a beloved member of our family. This little kitty had been rescued from a farm where he’d not been fed, and was literally on death’s doorstep. He was skin and bones, with some dingy grey hair. He was at the age when kitties bounce all over the place, but could hardly walk. I was not very happy with the gift I’d been brought, but the woman swore I had asked her to look for a Siamese kitty for me. OK, I probably said it in a moment of weakness, but I didn’t remember, nonetheless I took the little creature home with me. He both vomited and had diarrhea on the floor mat of my car on the way home. We took him home and put him in a little box and he was sick all through our dinner. He couldn’t keep anything down. I took him to the vet first thing Monday morning, and the vet said he was so near starvation that he didn’t know if he could be saved. He gave him an IV, some medicine, and I took him home to nurse him. It was several days before we felt like he was out of the woods.

This little creature became a beautiful cat, with a great personality. He was Mr. Jinks. We loved him so much. It took a while before he was willing to trust us, but finally he recovered in body and spirit. The poor kitty had lost his meow, however, due to irreversible damage to his vocal cords during his sickness. It was kinda sad not to have a meow, but he took it in stride.

Mr. Jinks had more than one brush with death--he must have been one of those cats with nine lives. He was banged up pretty good a time or two after a fight--we live in a tough cat neighborhood. One day I found him hiding under the bed, and he was obviously sick--listless and not wanting to eat. I took him to the vet, he had a very high fever and again, the doc said he didn’t know if he could pull him through. He found an abscess under his arm, a wound from a fight that had got infected. Mr. Jinks had to have immediate surgery to insert a drain into the wound and be hospitalized for a couple of days on IVs, but in a week was back to his onery old self.

After a couple of years, Mr. Jinks took to roaming. He was always out catting around. Once he was gone for nearly a week, and Brian had given up on him. He was saying awful things like, "Bet that bobcat got him." (There was allegedly a bobcat seen by more than one neighbor coming out of our woods.) I told him to watch his mouth, and said I knew Jinks would come home. One evening we were sitting out on the deck, and from a long distance away, we both heard a cat loudly meow. Brian looked at me and said, "Bet that’s our cat." I started to get up, then I said, "But our cat can’t meow!" Nevertheless, I went down to the yard, and from a long distance across the yard I saw Mr. Jinks. He began running to me, and it was just like in the movies, it all went to slow motion--we were running towards each other, and he jumped into my arms, and we whirled around together a time or two. I took him in the house and got him some food, but he was too excited to eat. He was as happy to see me as I was to see him. And somehow he had found his meow, which he kept.

A year and a half ago, Mr. Jinks again disappeared for a few days. We didn’t think much of it, but the days stretched out, and after a month, it appeared we had seen the last of him. We held out hope for a long time, but have no idea what happened. And now it’s time. It’s time to think about another cat. I’m getting excited.

Mr. Jinks (in memorium)

POSTSCRIPT: I just had an e-mail from the aforementioned Dan Dudeck that our dear friend Hudson Tayless had to be put down this past October. Please join with me in mourning his passing.

kitty cat apb

posted by Peri Zahnd on January 9, 2007 at 8:52 AM Brian and Aaron, my 20 year old, left for ministry in INDIA Sunday, they’ll be gone for almost two weeks! Last week was so busy, with two-a-days prayer and preparation for their trip. I’m missing them but always have a list of goals to accomplish whenever Brian’s away traveling; I don’t give myself much time to pine away.

WE WANT A KITTYCAT!! Philip and I are looking for one--and I’m calling on my xanga friends who are close by to help out. Our beloved Mr. Jinks disappeared a year and a half ago, and it’s time to close the door on that relationship and begin again. We’re facing the fact that he’s not coming back.

We want a male kitten, pretty young--Philip says we must raise him from infancy, and he’s already named. We’ve got to find the right cat to fit the name Brian gave him before he left--Buechner (pronounced BEEKNER) We’ve had some Siamese-blend cats in the past, and we’re particularly partial to them, but not ruling out something different.

SO--if you know of a kitty needing a home, please get back with me!

a heap in the dark

posted by Peri Zahnd on January 9, 2007 at 4:45 AM Driving around town, I see so many churches with marquees out front, with sometimes the silliest things written on them! I am dismayed to think that we Christians are reducing the good news we’ve been given to clever little plays on words, or serendipitous platitudes. But the one I saw today left me really confused. It said:

Faith is not a heap in the darkness,
But a step into the light.

I was trying to get a visual on this heap—was it a heap of straw, a blanket, something you would trip over in a dim passageway? Why the analogy of a "heap" to faith—something about the quantity of faith you possessed?

And then it occurred to me, it’s a stinkin’ typo! They’re talking about a LEAP of faith! Some pastor scrawled his words of wisdom on a scrap of paper, and a dutiful assistant mindlessly picked the plastic letters out for what he THOUGHT he was reading and stuck them up one by one on the sign, never considering the meaning.

I hope they discover the mistake soon, and get a good laugh out of it.

the envelope please....

posted by Peri Zahnd on January 1, 2007 at 3:33 AM Happy New Year!

Yesterday, New Year’s Eve, was an amazing day. We had two great services on Sunday morning, and I got home around 1:30. My plan was to do some cooking for the next day, to take a walk, and perhaps dismantle the tree. I got TWO BIG SURPRISES Sunday afternoon.

I never dreamed when I woke up this morning we would have snow before the year was out. I grumbled to someone about the crazy non-winter we were having. It had been 56 degrees the day before! That’s not a typical NYE temperature! But early afternoon, the temp started dropping, the snow started flying, and the wind was howling! Then it began to stick! I was thrilled, I was exuberant, I was giddy. I kept yelling at the guys who were watching football downstairs to look out the window.

So I went for a walk, and reveled in it all. I was dressed like an Eskimo, my scarf wrapped tightly around my face. I called my neighbors, and when they picked up, began to sing the theme song from Mr. Rodgers, "It’s a beautiful day in the neighborhood...." They both said, "You’re not out there, are you???!!" They declined the invitation to join me.....

I went in an hour later, just because it was getting dark. And the second surprise was beginning to unfold....

I never dreamed when I woke up this morning that the Chiefs would be going to the playoffs! What a crazy turn of events. I don’t personally care that much, but was thrilled for my guys. I thought I was going to have to tranquilize Philip to get him to our New Year’s Eve service at church!

That evening before I left for church I responded to an e-mail, a church member and friend who was asking for prayer for her husband, desperately needing God to do something major in his life in the new year. As I searched for the words, I began to hear the Lord speak to me, not to forget that He is the God of surprises, the God of "suddenlies", and the God of turn-arounds. The surprises I’d had that day were a sign that he is able and will bring great surprises to us suddenly in the coming year! Yeah, baby!

*****************************

And now, without further ado, the winners for 2006....

BOOK OF THE YEAR: To the Golden Shore by Courtney Anderson
This was a surprise, too. A biography, for Pete’s sake, written in the 1950s. It’s the life story of Adoniram Judson, America’s first foreign missionary. Yawn, I heard that! But of all the books I read last year, it’s the one that impacted me the greatest and has stayed with me. Why? Because I saw the tapestry of grace principle at work in this man’s life, how God was able to take hard and bitter circumstances and turn them for His glory, and how Adoniram died a happy man, and would today say, "Nothing bad has ever happened to me!"

It was really a thriller, a page turner, and all true! Not some silly made up story, but a life lived with great courage, gusto, and style.

BOOK OF THE YEAR RUNNER UP: Rumors of Another World by Philip Yancey
By far the best Yancey book ever! We Christians do live in two worlds, the one we see, hear, touch, taste, and feel--and the KINGDOM, which is far more real! I couldn’t put this one down either. It’s in the stack to be reread soon.

MESSAGE OF THE YEAR: (okay I couldn’t pick one either--there were three, and they were all Friday night sermons, go figure)

GRAND PRIZE: What About Doubt? --Friday, December 15
FIRST RUNNER UP: Saints and Sinners --Friday, September 29
SECOND RUNNER UP: Born Again Christianity --Friday, October 20

All three can be accessed at the WOLC website , broadcast archives.

BLESSED EVENT OF THE YEAR: (I just couldn’t come up with a category name for this "thing" which impacted my life so much.)

The Unvarnished Jesus Study--In March and April, the church had a Bible reading schedule, reading through the Gospels and Acts a few chapters a day, and then journalling our discoveries. We were reading the Scriptures as if they were brand new, believing to see them free from the "varnish" of religion, tradition, and preconceived ideas. Brian then preached each Friday and Sunday from the same material. He blogged his journal entries here . The study truly was life-changing. I was amazed at the things I discovered, things I had somehow glibbly glossed over. I will do that again, too!

I am SO EXCITED about a new year in the Kingdom of God, what a day to be alive and on the earth!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!